Can Your Secrets Keep You Sick?

Secret

We all have them....Secrets! Many of them are harmless little things such as a surprise birthday party or eating an entire ten-pound party bag of Peanut M&Ms by myself in one sitting (which I have done). However, the type of secrets I am referring to are the ones we use to protect ourselves from shame, guilt, and the fear of what others might think. Through research, it has been well documented that secrets such as these can have a negative impact on a person's well-being. They can affect your stress hormones which, in turn, can cause damage psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, and even physically. When a person is under stress, cortisol levels rise, blood pressure increases, and sleep deprivation sets in. The overwhelming anxiety that someone might find out that we are not exactly what they thought we were can be overwhelming. This can cause a whole slew of health problems, depression, mental disorders, and even addiction.

I suffered from some childhood trauma and never spoke of it until I was 42 years old. I carried this burden with me everywhere believing that I was resilient and didn't need to talk about it. In truth, I was full of shame, plagued by insecurities, and suffered from depression. At the age of 10, I began having many health issues. I needed surgery for a heart condition, had thyroid cancer, breast cancer, and the beginning stages of ovarian cancer. I had a total of 22 surgeries and developed an autoimmune disorder known as vitiligo. Eventually, I fell into addiction. My life spiraled out of control and I ended up at a treatment center wondering how this all happened. Although other factors contributed to my health problems and addiction, I have no doubt that keeping such a guarded secret for so many years was the catalyst. It wasn't until my world came crumbling down all around me that I opened up to someone about my past.

However, it isn't easy (and it can be downright scary) to open up and tell someone about a secret you've hiding for a week or even years. The ego is a powerful thing. Fear of consequences, fear of judgement, and fear of being vulnerable all affect the ego. It is when we can put the ego aside, take a leap of faith, and disclose our heavy burden that we can begin to heal. So, how do we go about this?

Well, I would not suggest making a post about it on FaceBook! You should only divulge personal things with someone that you trust especially in the beginning. You need to have a safe place that can help you process your emotions. Then once you feel comfortable, you could seek out a support group. In my case, the first person I "told" was my sociology professor. I was 19 and, I did so in an anonymous letter that I put in his mailbox. Despite the anonymity, it was the first time I really ever admitted it to myself. It wasn't until 23 years later, when I hit a bottom, that I opened up to a counselor in a treatment center. That was when my healing process began. However, it is important to note that the healing doesn't necessarily come from revealing secret itself. It is a result from the conversation that takes place afterward. The emotional support and guidance received can lessen the shame and the isolation associated with it.

I am now 53 years old. I've been sober and in remission for over ten years. Opening up was my path to letting go. I am in the best physical and mental shape of my life. If I want to remain this way, I have to continue this practice in all areas of my life. Let's face it. I'm not perfect (There, I said...phew). In fact no one is. I've made mistakes in my life and kept them a secret much longer than I should have. I've also faced some serious consequences for those mistakes. Whether those secrets were divulged voluntarily or not, one thing is certain: I always have such an overwhelming sense of relief that the burden is no longer mine alone. It is only at that moment that I know that change and healing can begin again.

I'd love to keep this conversation going and encourage you to share any of your own thoughts on this subject. What is your experience with any deeply guarded secret? Did you suffer from any mental or physical ailments as a result? Do you believe that there are times when secrets should not be divulged? If so, what other coping mechanisms can help? You can comment right underneath this post or email me directly.

Have a great day everyone!!